Marriage: A Bond Of Love And A Separation Of Cash

Sun Herald

Sunday September 7, 2008

Samantha Brett, Samantha Brett is an author, presenter and smh.com.au blogger. www.samanthabrett.com.

DOES the thought of going to a wedding make you wince? Do you feel stressed and anxious at the thought of having to sit through an entire five-hour parade of sappy love, bad dancing and cheap champagne? Would you prefer to veg out at home watching reruns of House, rather than get all coiffed up to celebrate someone else's gooey love fest?

Then, like me, you could be suffering from anti-wedding syndrome.

With the recent spate of over-the-top weddings (multiple gowns, million-dollar destinations and Indian palaces seem to be all the rage with the A-list crowd), followed by even more over-the-top divorces, I've started to wonder whether there's really any sense in the whole thing after all.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for the official bond of love and the actual institution of marriage. Heck, I'm even partial to a quickie marriage in a Vegas ceremony (without the Elvis impersonator) as long as the two involved are doing it for the right reasons. But when it becomes less about two people in love and more about the flowers and the foie gras, I say it's time to take a stand.

Surely there's a better way to spend some hard-earned cash? After all, the average wedding costs around $30,000, yet will only last an average 12.5 years. Where's the logic in that?

And it's not only the hosts who are maxing out their credit card to witness their partner mutter the words "I do". These days it's those on the guest list that are getting a hole burned in their pocket quicker than the groomsmen can shag a bridesmaid.

A recent poll by financial services company Morgan Stanley found guests spend between $191 and a whopping $600 per wedding. Sound absurd? It did to me, too, until I did the maths.

Firstly, there are the celebratory drinks, engagement parties, multiple showers, kitchen teas and rehearsal dinners. Then the real trouble begins: with the hen and stag nights.

Soon-to-be-married girlfriends are entertained with strippers, pole dancing lessons, life-drawing classes (where a man poses nude for their viewing pleasure), treasure hunts, five-course degustations and even entire weekends away of loopy behaviour - all which require mandatory payment from every woman in attendance. And it ain't cheap.

The blokes aren't immune to the costly shenanigans, either. A friend recently had to dish out some serious dough for a mate's four-day stag weekend at a five-star Surfers Paradise hotel. Ouch.

Then there's the actual wedding, which quickly adds up to an empty wallet. There's the new outfit, the hairdo, the nails and the handbag. There's transport to and from the event, accommodation (because destination weddings are all the rage, darling) and who can forget the most expensive part of the entire fiesta? The wedding gift.

It's not like you have a choice in that matter, either. Brides and grooms are "saving guests from stress" and patting themselves on the back for registering at MostExpensive WeddingGiftsEver.com or setting up wishing wells or money trees for guests to drop their cold cash into. (Both methods cleverly rule out having to regift presents.)

Of course, you can't skimp on celebrating the happiest day of your relative/best friend/roommate/school buddy/work colleague's life by crying poor. But what do we get in return? A lousy meal of dried-out chicken, awkward speeches and barely a kiss hello from the bride and groom, who probably wouldn't have even known you were there except for the grainy picture they receive a few weeks later of your miserable face as you hide out at the back table.

Perhaps modern couples should adhere to the mantra of recently married couple Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi, who despite their high-profile nuptials, told guests not to bring any presents. "We've been blessed enough," they said.

A friend of mine recently got married on a beach in Byron Bay with just her mum, dad and sister in attendance. No fancy gown, no expensive gifts and no weeklong calendar of pricey festivities to attend. True, we were all a little disappointed to have missed her big day. But after perusing the hundreds of photos she put up for display on her Facebook page, it felt like we were able to share the moment anyway.

Mia Freedman is on leave.

Internet's down and so are you

HERE'S a new one for the dictionary: "discomgoogolation". Sounds bizarre but I'm sure you know the feeling by now all too well. Psychologists have used the word to denote that feeling of extreme stress when you're unable to get online because the internet is down or your laptop's out of battery. And it's not a mild stress either with researchers concluding it's akin to running late for an important meeting, sitting an exam you haven't studied for or even being fired. A staggering 76 per cent of people have admitted to suffering from it, with the worst cases being cited on a Friday. Why? Apparently not being able to surf Google prevents people from organising their weekends. Whatever happened to the phone call?

© 2008 Sun Herald

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